Some of you may be wondering why Tot School For Darius seemed to have stopped updating…since I had been faithfully updating on Monday or Tuesday since I started documenting in Tot School format when he turned 14months.
I mentioned during the last Tot School post that it is increasingly difficult getting him to participate in doing the planned activities with him without him running away after a few touches or bursting in tears at being ‘forced’ to do. So, in order to keep him at it, I couldn’t take out my camera enough to take shots of him doing it because once distracted, he’d just run off. So yes, we are still doing it even though I did not update. With him in tears (he’s a emotional child who cries for every little thing and laughs at every little thing too) and me without a camera.=.=”I do not see a point of updating with no pictures to show.
Tot School is supposed to be FUN, not forced. The child should enjoy the activities as if they are games and learn something in the process. BUT, we don’t know why and I kept asking Hubby too, WHY is Darius acting like this? Is he bored? Is he afraid of ‘failure’ and made to seem inadequate or might he be too ‘intelligent’ and thus, think they are too boring to do since he already knew how to do. The last question, still a question because he seemed to be able to do some like colour sorting, matching when instructed but just refuse or rebellious to do it correctly. Yet sometimes, he really does not know at all.
So we decided that probably he was afraid of failure. But can such a young child already feel this way? That he should not try something he doesn’t know because it would make him seem stupid? We are baffled at this but it seemed so.
Let me give an example:
On Friday, I took out the shape sorter box to play with hin. I hadn’t been doing it for two weeks already due to hols and playing with other stuff.
He took the circle and place it into the hole. Then, he took the star and tried to fit it. He couldn’t as he didn’t move his hand enough. He then tried to put it into the circle hole. I told him, no..and pointed to the star hole. Put it in here, I said. He took up the shape, fiddle with it constantly and tried to put it into the star hole again. Then, when he couldn’t at the first try, he move it over to the circle hole again and also over to the curved semi-circle hole. Finally, I directed his hands to the star hole and he placed it in successfully. Next, the curved semi-circle. He tried the circle again, the star too and also the curved hole but he needs to manipulate his hands enough to fit it in. So he couldn’t and he took it in his hands and kept looking at it, and turning it round and round and round and round. Til my patience was running out.
I pointed the curved hole to him then wanting to help. And he just plain refused to put it into the hole. Going over the circle, star again, avoiding that very hole I’m pointing to. It’s SO exasperating! I mean, I let him try himself. He couldn’t. So I helped by pointing him to the exact hole to put in. What’s so difficult in following this instruction? Why is he always wanting to go the opposite? Why does he need to THINK so much?! Just twist and put it in, for goodness sake! These thoughts ran screaming through my head. My patience meter falling to a red zone.
He started to want to run away, he started whining and protesting. He started crying. He just doesn’t want to do it himself without my help. Argh… I give up.
Darius has always been an overly cautious and dependent child. He is afraid of new stuff and needs time to warm up to them. He needs us to push him along to try new stuff, instead of taking initiatives to do it. If given a chance, he would have stayed in his own comfort zone forever, surrounded by things he already knows.
We are frowning at this characteristic because it isn’t good. NOT TO TRY BECAUSE YOU ARE AFRAID TO FAIL. I’ve always been someone who likes to try new things, spending hours working on it to master it. I learnt how to do animations from searching information myself, how to draw using programmes from scratch, how to create a website with css coding from browsing information online. So to me, this is a great no-no. Our character are totally opposite in that sense and I’m beginning to be frustrated when I teach him. I get overly angry with him too, raising my voice at him, which isn’t helping.
So I just discovered he has started knowing some alphabets by sight and able to pronounce their names or sounds. (see He knows S.E.O.H & More) This is a great jolt to me because I had been intending to go really slow. No active learning of alphabets til he’s after 2 years old. Then, probably we will do one letter a week or even more weeks, learning the different objects or words. For now, I had been intending to just continue reading storybooks to him, playing songs for him and do some motorskills stuff.
But with him already recognising some letters and having a greater interest in them than playing his toys or doing the planned motorskills activities, I have to speed up and do more stuff now, really learning stuff, like alphabets, colours, shapes and animals. Even though he’s only just going to start his 18months.
I’m thinking of Tot Books, games for learning based on a storybook, or even more filefolder activities. These things I hadn’t planned to do til he’s nearly three years old. But I’m finding that I need to start now because he doesn’t enjoy just sorting, matching and transferring. Like I said before, he wants to bolt everytime I ask him to do it. He would start for only one or two items and prepare to ‘run’. He needs something more concrete and related to his books and probably a theme every week.
I’m still trying to find ideas from various homeschool sites which I had always been reading about. Ideas that are suitable for his age.
The problem is, I really don’t know what he already knows or prefers to do. He seemed to have a mind of his own these days and doesn’t want to follow my instructions. YET, he doesn’t free play himself too, preferring to pester us the whole day to read books to him. He would hold the books, walk around, take our hands to point at one of the pages. He just wants to be with us instead of by himself playing with the toys. Seeing this, it’s a great waste of time not to start him on literacy activities.
I have the book, Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? And found the corresponding Tot Book materials on Carissa’s 1+1+1=1 site. So I had printed some of the activities out and will start him on it soon to determine whether this sort of learning is what he likes better.
So… there would not be Tot School updates til I get this sorted out…
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Wavesurfer & 
Dreamycat co-write this blog, documenting Darius' developments and happy moments with him.Categories
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Hey, you’re doing a great job in home schooling Darius so far! Toddlers attention span is very short. Most of the time, they learn through play at this age. Play, play and more play ^__^
Hi hi!
U are doing great so don’t feel bad! Build on his strengths & interests, and improve on areas that he needs work on.
Jia you!
Oh don’t beat yourself up like that.
Go natural, when you don’t have expectations, every milestone becomes an extra celebration.
As for the shape sorter case.
Its simple logic for the kids.
That circle hole gave him the feeling of success. Hence he would yearn for more success by doing the same thing. Literally, putting ‘everything’ into the circle hole.
Then with your help, the star hole gave him success, hence when he picked up the 3rd piece, he tried his first success hole (circle hole) then try the second success hole (star hole).
Note, he was in the mood to feel successful, NOT in the mood to analyze. Thus, he is not focusing on the shape matching, but rather the feeling of satisfaction. *Smile*
Thanks for the encouragement and comments.
hey. being cautious is not a bad ting! mandy is a v v careful girl n she is nt adventurous at all but tt means she hardly gets into trouble. she wld take a long time b4 she’s willing to try sthg new. tt might not mean she’s afraid to fail but it means she wanna figure out how EXACTLY to do it 1st and wat EXACTLY it is. So 4 these kids, u can’t force. can’t reprimand. in any case, it’s not a gd idea to reprimand when e kid doesn’t wanna follow instructions i guess. mb darius cld sense ur exasperation n so din wanna follow thru? bcos it’s stopped being enjoyable n stress free mb? just my tots lah. i dunno e situationn exactly.
but if tis happens to my kids (e shape sorter incident), i’ll just luff n say “uh oh! can e star go into e circle hole? u wanna try? ok, try it.” if it can’t, den it can’t lor. n if they wanna stop, i’ll just stop w/o making a fuss. if they feel tt they haf to live up to expectation n not allowed to explore freely, they might not wanna go bk to tt activity again. at least, it’s lidat 4 my kids. again, u noe darius best!
n wow, he’s good w e alphabet! barry’s hasn’t gone past mama n papa, speech wise. haha.
I didn’t want to reply abt this again but just for the record,
because people have misunderstood what I had written on this post, thinking I’m pushing him, I have expectations so I’m sad that he’s not following it….
a) There’s no expectation, there’s no force. It’s just simple, “put this thing in at exactly where my fingers are pointing to”. If this simple instruction cannot be followed, then he can’t follow for every game we are playing which is what is happening with him now. End up, no games, no play cos it isn’t even played correctly.
What’s a shaper sorter if it isn’t meant to sort shapes? A container for shapes? Why not just take any box then?
What’s a sorting game without sorting? Just a throwing things around game? Then, why play?
GAMES have rules, RULES need to be followed. This is simple for everyone but not for my child who choose to follow only sometimes.
2) He has been doing this activity very often at least 3 times a week since 13 months old, updated in Tot School. That’s FIVE MONTHS of playing the same thing. There’s no reason for him to NOT know he has to try to fit a shape into the shape sorter, and to keep fiddling with it in his hands for ages.
3) He has been allowed to try freely but doesn’t want to, kept fiddling with it in his hands. So I helped. BUT he refused to be helped by words. He wants my hands to guide him, to help him. He’s overly dependent for this game and several others and doesn’t want to try BY HIMSELF at all. That’s the reason I’m exasperated, not because he can’t fit a curved semi-circle into a curved semi-circle hole! But because he doesn’t EVEN TRY to fit that hole. If things don’t fit for the first time, things don’t fit forever, that’s what he thinks. Always giving up at the first instance of failure. This characteristic to me is NOT to be encouraged. That’s what I’m trying to say.
hey, sorry if i’ve upset u. hmmm, i’m not v good w words but i’ll try to clarify a bit lah. anyway, u calm dn 1st ok?
a) if it helps, barry doesn’t follow rules much too n not even mandy does it all e time. here, i’m just going to put dn my pt o view i’m totally ok if u dun agree w it at all. so i hope u won’t take offences either.
for me, expecting an 18 mth tod to follow instructions is too high an expectation. to ur qn bt wat’s toys for, wat’s a shape sorter for. to me, it’s there n when my kids wanna fiddle w it, they can n if they wanna try to put e shapes inside, i can guide them. but if they wanna wear it on their heads as a hat, then i will wear it on my head to to play w them. mb at tt pt o time, they wanna try n see if tt funny bowl looking like ting can be balanced on their head, can it b rolled ard, etc… so i’ll let them. n so they find out themselves n get their queries answered. they might not wanna, u noe, learn bt whether this round ting can fit into this square hole etc, when we want them to. but we leave the sorter accessible, n there’ll be times when they WANT to find tt out, n then the shape sorter will serve it’s main purpose.
for me, not only toys can be playtings. fiddling ard w anyting can make them learn someting. n at their own pace, when they feel like it. tt, to me, is free play.
but every kid is diff. mine dun like rigid structures n i frankly, m not so patient n organised to stick to one anyway. so tt’s how i do it. urs might b diff.
n no, i dun tink “GAMES have rules, RULES need to be followed.” is simple for toddlers. even for mandy, i’m not playing many games w rules for her. but then again, my experience is w my kids only.
2)yap. i tink he noes how to sort the shapes. so if i were u, i wldn’t worry. my priority wld be he learns his shapes n learn how to love learning. again, it’s me. following instructions is not a priority.
3) here comes our difference in wat is ‘free’ play. mb at tt pt o time, he just wans to play w sthg else? so in defiance or anxiety (or sthg else i really won’t noe), he refuses to move n wans u to move his hands instead. kids show their feelings in weird ways sometimes. but again, u do noe ur kid best so i shan’t assume. mb, like u mentioned he was afraid of failing? which, i agree, is not very desirable. but y in e 1st place wld he dev tt fear?
i’m sorry. n tis is not e 1st time i apologise for being so longwinded n imposing but well… i somehow cldn’t help it. oops. anyway, u prolly noe tis already but if a parent keeps praising e child when he does sthg correctly and in a desired fashion, not praising when he does it wrong or in an undesirable fashion, then e child might b afraid to fail. becos, he becomes increasingly aware tt ONLY e outcome is impt. n as they mature, they might fear tt they’re not so perfect n e parents will not like/accept them when they produce an outcome tt is not to e parent’s satisfaction.
gee, i am longwinded. n if u’re mad at me, i can totally understand lah. anyhow, best o luck.
Yar, okay. I accept your explanation. I’m just trying to voice mine too, in case anyone else keep misunderstanding on the comments. I understand that it is the www and people are free to express their opinions. I don’t have to agree with how you teach and I do not need someone to teach me how to teach my child either. Good to share your method with anyone who is reading it and I agree with it in certain sense about imaginary play but in my case, he will never learn anything and accomplish what he is now if he’s left to his own without instructions. Because I did left it there all the time, and not once did he touch it. I then took out the shapes and put them beside the box and left it in the open. He walks past it as if it’s non-existent. So maybe your kids will take it and play imagining them as something else. I WOULD LOVE it if he even does that, if he would only play with it himself without me beside him.
The whole point of the post isn’t abt the shape sorter either. That’s just an example to show his ‘afraid to try’ attitude so don’t know why it became the KEY point and argued upon.
Why is he afraid in the first place? I don’t know? That’s the reason for this post if you have read carefully. For the entire post, I’m wondering why this unknown fear is creeping up on him when he has been doing fine for so many months.
ya, i get u actually. when we blog, sometimes the meanings get misconstued n it sucks if we get misunderstood. it’s kinda funny how i’m saying it fr e other side now. haha
n u won’t believe tis, but i tink i will annoy myself v much as a reader of my blog. haha. tt’s y i keep apologising.
n i wasn’t trying to teach u leh. i guess i’m just a sahm who only tinks bt parenting stuff e whole day long so i jump at any chance to tok bt parenting. anyhow, shan’t get longwinded again…
nite!