We had always been going to Mass on Christmas Eve but last year, due to Darius being only 5 months old, we changed to morning mass on Christmas Morning itself. This year, we decided to join the celebration at night on Christmas Eve since Darius is older now and could tolerate sleeping beyond 9pm which seemed to be very frequent nowadays.

However, we still made sure he had enough sleep first by putting him down for a nap near 6pm and waking him up around 7plus to eat his dinner. I got a call around 6pm from DHL saying that a parcel from Malaysia is coming for me. I immediately knew it was the photobook of our trip to Genting Highlands which I had been working on recently and sent on the 14th of Dec. I thought it wouldn’t be in time for Christmas since it was after 13th Dec but they made it for me! Thanks so much Photobook Singapore! They have an offer of 40% off every photobook til Dec31st so grab the offer now if you could.

The photos presented in a book format is meant to be shown to my family on Christmas Day itself since it has some photos of my parents. They were delighted at looking at the photos and my dad praised that the photos were beautiful. My six-year old nephew couldn’t stop reading the text we wrote about the trip, which I pasted in with some edition from our blog posts. He read it like a storybook. *grin. I’ll post up some snapshots of it in another post soon. Anyway, the quality was good but not as ‘clear’ as I would like it, with some pictures still pixelated though I sent in high resolutions. But for the cost it took, I guess I shouldn’t complain too much.

Before we went to the Church, we took an opportunity to take a family photo in front of the Christmas Tree like last year. I guess this would become our tradition every year.

We reached the church 15mins before the Mass started at 9:15pm even though we planned to go there early. But with a child, time taken to prepare just seemed to drag on.

We were shocked that there were so many people who couldn’t find a seat even on the second floor. There was an enormous turnout this year! They put chairs behind the fitted benches, but still there were not enough space and people had to stand around. My heart was sinking because there was no way we could stand holding Darius for more than an hour. So I told Hubby, “Let’s go.” I was planning to return tomorrow instead.

But Hubby was determined to stay and managed to find a space right in front for the two of us. A very good view where there’s only the railings and no obstructions.

Dar immediately wanted to go to the railings when we settled down and kept fidgeting non-stop to get down. I managed to get hubby to carry him instead cos my skirt was too slippery for him to sit on when he kept moving non-stop.

My family members arrived soon but they couldn’t find a space even to stand so they had to stand downstairs instead. I guess it was because it’s a long weekend from Friday onwards and people might want to go elsewhere instead of coming to the Christmas Day Mass in the morning.

Soon, the entrance song started and we sang, “Oh Come All Ye Faithful”, the atmosphere jubilant. As this moment, I glanced at Darius and I gasped as his mouth started turning down and his whole face turned red. He was shocked at the loud music and people’s voices singing and started crying out loud.

I took over from Hubby and tried to pacify him by singing to him and he calmed down when the music stopped and the Father (priest) started speaking. Then, the hymn song, “Glory To God” started and he immediately started crying again! It was too loud and overwhelming for him, seeing and hearing so many people.

We were really at a loss as to his reaction and didn’t know what to do. Should we leave? We sat through the first reading and when they started singing again, he started crying too. He just hates the songs! He doesn’t mind the speeches. Argh.

No choice, we had to leave with everyone’s scrutiny and passed a lot of people all the way to the entrance on the second floor. When we were at the ground floor of the church, deciding whether to just keep standing there til the Mass ends or go home, a warden led several people out towards the basement. We followed them to the basement auditorium and discovered they had seats and a projector screen showing the live video of the proceedings in the church. So we found ourselves two seats and settled down, wanting to finish the Mass. We were still apprehensive with Darius but there were fewer people in the room so surely that’s alright?

Dar actually chuckled when he saw the screen. Alas, the song started again and his face changed again…Sigh! When is this going to end! I was pretty annoyed what he was so afraid of but then, you can’t find fault with a child’s fear.

We let him drink his milk from the MagMag on hubby’s lap lying down in case he was hungry and it was the reason why he was crying. Hubby also took him to pee, in case that was the problem. Despite all these, when a nice thanksgiving song came up, he still started crying again. It was not those haunting hymn music, nor were there many people singing like just now, why was he afraid again?! We couldn’t concentrate on the Mass at all with his emotions going up and down. We came to the conclusion that he was traumatised by the initial song and just could not recover, thinking that every song was scary.

I noted that his eyes would dart left and right very quickly whenever songs are played, stared widely, mouth start turning down..down…down, tears start forming and then with a huge breath drawn in, belt out a cry and not stopping til the song ends!

So in the end, we left after communion without waiting for the ending and my nerves were all wrecked up. I was in a total blur about the Mass proceedings and we were just physically but not mentally there. Sigh!

At 17months, Darius is becoming more aware of his surroundings, fearing a large amount of people, strange places and loud noises. His understanding seemed to have suddenly elevated after the Langkawi trip. He wasn’t that afraid of things before. I guess we would have to keep dealing with this ‘problem’ til he overcomes it himself.

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