Just recently, I’ve come across a thread in a local parenting forum which was discussing whether one is regretful of their decisions leading to their current status (e.g. married with kids) and whether they would walk another path if given another opportunity to turn back the clock.

Surprisingly, there was quite an overwhelming response which replied that yes, they would not want to take the same path which they had taken. Some mentioned they would still get married but not to have kids, while some others remarked that they would want to get married to another better companion instead.

I was quite taken aback by the negativity in some of these replies, especially when these are coming from a parenting blog, where they are supposedly to be parents concerned with their children’s well-being in the first place to have actively participated in these forums.

Besides the genuine issues that some of these parents might be going through, some of these negativity could have been attributed to a ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ mentality that many of us could be guilty of at times too. At times of our lows, we would tend to start asking ourselves many ‘what if’ questions, and convinced that our life would improve ‘only if’ we have made a different decision at various points of our lives.

True, life might have improved if we have not made some kind of ‘wrong’ decisions at those points and we might not have to live in regret of those decisions. But even a 3-year-old kid could innocently tell us that there’s no point crying over spilled milk so at the end of the day, these distractions are nothing more than just, distractions.

This world is too beautiful to be lived by regrets...

So for me, do I regret having Darius into my life?

With his 1st birthday arriving in a few weeks’ time and Father’s Day just round the corner, it would be a good time to recall and reflect the times we are together as a family.

For regular readers of our blog, you probably could already have guessed the answer based on my posts, of which are mostly positive in my experiences as a father.

Yes, there are times when I do miss the good old times with Catherine, where we would watch the latest blockbusters in cinemas, or go ice-skating as and when we felt like doing so. Those were the freedom we are no longer entitled to after we are parents. We don’t really have the luxury of putting Darius under the care of our family members while we have our ‘time-out sessions’ either.

I could also no longer be able to make good use of our home theatre system, resorting to headphones while watching DVDs or playing my Xbox 360 instead, for fear of waking Darius up from his sleep. I’ve also minimised voice chatting with my gaming buddies during my gaming sessions, since I tend to get a little noisy during excited moments.

We also have to watch our spendings closely so as to not over-spend, with another additional mouth to feed and another person’s life to enrich now.

Yet, despite of how grim these may sound, the rewards that we get in return from Darius are invaluable. His laughter, seeing how he has grown everyday, nullified the sacrifices that have been made. These joys and experiences are irreplaceable and I’m glad to have taken the path to become a parent, re-living our childhood life once again through visits to the Zoo, playgrounds, parks etc with our child. Being a parent also allows us to view the world from the perspective of an innocent child, and also to appreciate the simple things that are around us.

I’m fortunate to have Catherine taking good care of Darius every single day, so that at the end of each day after Darius falls asleep in the room, both of us can take a good break and have some couple time together (though I’m guilty of taking ‘me-time’ with my gaming instead). This allows us to recharge ourselves and prevents us from burning out from the routine lives of taking care of a child, especially for Catherine as a SAHM (Stay-At-Home Mom).

I’m also glad that we have started out this blog to document the days of our lives and his growing up from the moment we knew about Darius’ existence (i.e. on the day when he was conceived). Whenever I am feeling burnt out or down, reading back these posts provided me with the boost and motivation to keep up my role as a responsible father.

I always have this poster pasted in front of me in my office, titled ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy!’. It highlights six simple yet practical reminders that each of us should be mindful of constantly, so as to make ourselves a better and happier person. These reminders have helped lifted me up during my unhappy times too so I would like to take this opportunity to share them with you:

DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY!

Tackle the small stuff first.
Don’t try to transform your whole life all at once. Improve one thing at a time. Focus on one area of discontentment and take action to change it. If you take small steps in making changes, you’ll have a better chance of success.

Don’t try to change others – change yourself!
Realise that you can’t make everyone happy and you can’t change them either. The only person that you can change is yourself. For example, if your gal pal is always making snide commments about you, accept that it’s her problem and you can eliminate the bad feelings her words cause.

Enlist a good friend.
Staying positive is hard work so don’t fly solo. Ask a trsuted friend to be a confidant who can help you improve your attitude. She can offer support and be a sounding board for you, so be sure to get feedback from her on how well you’re reacting to emotional issues.

Listen to your own advice.
Many people handle other people’s problems better than their own. The next time you have a problem, take yourself out of the situation by perhaps pretending that it’s someone else’s problem. The points you make or the ‘advice’ you ‘give’ may help you solve your own problems.

Don’t keep score.
Every time you compare another person’s career, relationship or life to yours, your self-esteem takes a serious hit. But wait, you’re operating on misconceptions! Stop building fantasies in your head that will only bring your self-esteem and respect down.

Count your blessings – everyday!
Be thankful that your lfie is blessed with good things. Reminding yourself about the good stuff helps to paint your life in brighter colours. So before you go to bed each night, list down three things you appreciate about the day. It will make you feel very lucky about what you have.

Interestingly, I just realised I’ve wrote a self-reflective post 8 months ago too (see How the Arrival of Darius has Changed Me).

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