After my confinement, some people asked me whether I’m going back to work soon. I always have to reply a ‘no’.

It’s because I haven’t been in the main work force for four years already. The thing is, I work from home and so there’s no ‘going back‘ but only ‘putting aside‘.

To many people, delivering a child is just ‘a temporary break from work’. These days, if you are a Stay-At-Home-Mum(SAHM), it’s very rare. It’s either you pass the baby to the maid or your parents. My mum often get asked by her clients why she didn’t help me take care of Dar since “what a waste of her uni degree as she can earn at least 2k if she works” and they often throw in a “she can take care of the baby herself meh?” Seemed that people’s mindset are young people are always clueless with kids. It must be the grandparents who gave birth 20-30 odd years ago that is the more experienced.

I get stares when I bring Dar for walks around my neighbourhood because people walking around with children in their strollers are either old uncles, china grandmas or foreign maids. I noticed that they tend to look at me, look at Dar, then take a second look at me. Is it because I don’t look like a mother or it’s just very perculiar for a non-working young person to be appearing with a baby on a weekday afternoon?

"Does my mummy look like my mummy?"

I realised I haven’t been drawing much since June. The only project I took since September is still pending at the moment waiting for me to be less tired, less occupied with Darius to finish it. O_o

Recently, I tried drawing in the afternoon with Darius in the rocker beside me. I’d manage about 15 minutes before he starts yelling and going into the unhappy mode. Then, I’d try carrying him with my right hand while drawing with my left. He would be fascinated a while staring at the computer screen wondering perhaps at the huge eye I’m drawing. That’ll last another 10 minutes before the ‘ack ack’ starts again.

I would then switch him a bit so he turns towards the right side and sees a different scenery (my la bi xiao xin clock and the window). He’d babble a while to it but he’d realised very soon that he has been tricked and ‘ack ack’ will turn to crying. (My little boy Dar likes seeing things and he does not like to remain in the same setting for long)

So…I can only draw fully at night after he drops off to bed at 9 plus. Sometimes, after washing and reading the newspapers, it’s close to his next feeding time and then it’s near midnight. I would feel dead tired at this time and ended up going to bed too.

A day before, I decided to not procrastinate anymore (the deadline is in Dec) and started drawing after midnight. Ended up, I slept at 3 plus and had to wake up at 6 plus. Lack of sleep made me start the sneezing fits again which got me ill the whole day, sneezing into Dar. Hubby had to do the night watch yesterday while I packed myself, tissue papers and all into another room.

Hmm… seemed that I still need to work mostly during the day and sleep before midnight to have enough rest to take care of Dar the next day. Really wonder when I can get back into full working mode again and take on projects to do.

Starting to miss drawing and also the pocket money I can earn for myself. SAHM equals penniless mum. Of course, time spent with your child and the joy far exceeds monetary rewards. I do enjoy being with Dar but I want my own life too. (^_~’)

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